Mission Goal: Release SkinnyChick from evil fat captors
Mission Obstacles: Several late nights, children, baked goods, and the NFL Draft
Calories Consumed: at least 100 every 2 hours
Pounds Lost: 11.6
Mission Log:
I am pleased to report that I am only 18.4 pounds away from freedom. I expect my first public appearance somewhere in the late June, early July range, if the mission goes as planned.
FatChick had a very tough week. Once again, kind patients in her office have brought several baked goods in for her and the other girls. There have been cookie drop offs, miniature chocolate packages, and the be all that ends all…a giant box of cannoli from this little italian bakery in Chicopee.
Yes, there is a large box of cannoli in the refrigerator at work as we speak. Lovely, creamy, crispy cannoli. I had to tie FatChick to her chair in order to keep her from eating them. She just kept going back to that refrigerator, and opening the door, and smelling them. She would open the box and just stare at them, with dribblets of drool hanging from her chin. It was a sad, pathetic sight, and was almost too painful to watch. It was a struggle all day to keep her away. I moved all of her fruits and vegetables to the small, college sized refrigerator at the office. This device tends to freeze anything with liquid in it, and is not commonly used for fruits and veggies, but I had to make the transfer. I am hoping that Dr. BossMan took the box of cannoli home. I am not sure I can keep FatChick confined to her chair for another day. I, too, need to use the bathroom, and I cannot go because I must stand guard over the refrigerator while FatChick is in there.
Our daily workouts together are becoming more and more difficult. I have swapped out FatChick’s weights for a heavier set. She is getting stronger every day, and it was time. FatChick was struggling at first with the additional weight, but she is now powering through the lifts every day. Yes, every day. I am so proud of her. She is able to do 15 pushups in a row before needing a break. You think this is not a significant number? Ok, drop and give me 15 then. I dare you. You won’t make it past 8, I promise you this.
We will be scouring the attic this weekend, looking for clothes that fit. Mission Control is scheduled to help. FatChick is frightened of the attic. She will not set foot up there once the temperature hits 60 degrees outdoors. There is apparently ways for bees to enter the attic, and she refuses to enter these barracks alone, unarmed. She is not a fan of the bee. She runs and screams like a girl when one is in the vicinity, and spends April through October wearing a holstered gun of Raid in case she finds herself under attack. Speaking of which, the base is low on ammo. I must remember to radio Mission Control for backup ammo before we find ourselves armed with only flip flops. This will never do, because FatChick would have to actually go near the bee to squash it. I don’t see that happening, since, as I have previously reported, she runs and screams like a girl.
I am hopeful for a productive weekend. I have denied FatChick’s request for a two day leave. She is quite mad at me, but tough shit. I am dying in all this fat, and she is just going to have to get over it. I do not plan on granting her leave for at least the next six weeks, and she is still not permitted to drink beer. I did allow her to have a beer on Wednesday, as there was a reason to celebrate. But last night, during the NFL Draft, she snuck beer when I was not looking. There was a very loud argument between us, as she insists that anything to do with football allows her to have a beer. I am lost in understanding this logic, but there were several other football fans who had sided with FatChick on this. I must further investigate the NFL/Miller Lite rules before making a decision. In the meantime, I have locked her in the brig. I don’t know who she thinks she is talking to here, as I am now in control of all ops on base, not her. I knew there would be a power struggle at some point. Best to get it out early, and avoid future confrontations.
Full report next week
Today’s playlist song is submitted by Jennifer Harvey Hohn of North Adams, MA. This one is not on my iPod, but it has a pretty good beat. Check it out, ” Lose Yourself” by Eminem
Charlotte Blake
